'Cause I'm The Taxman

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five percent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat
If you get too cold, I'll tax the heat
If you try to walk, I'll tax your feet

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Today is the day folks. Your taxes have to be postmarked by midnight tonight to make the deadline. That is, if you haven't already asked for an extension. Mine has already been sent in and I am looking forward to a fat check.

Some of you out there might be interested in what a typical day consists of here at the hotel where AV is concerned. Today can serve as an example.

6:20am - Whoops! Set my alarm for 6am, but didn't actually turn it on. I have this problem sometimes where on the weekend, I will just turn the alarm off, and the day I have to go in early to work, sometimes I don't make sure to turn it back on after I check the alarm time. Come to think of it, I have had this alarm clock since 1989...my first year at college. Dang, I'm old.

Note: Somebody out there needs to manufacture an alarm clock that you cannot set UNTIL you turn the alarm function ON. Maybe they already do, and if they do, why don't I know about it?

7:45am - Finally get into the office. The traffic wasn't too bad getting in today, although it had it's moments. I grab the clipboard to see what is happening today, only one meeting with AV. Will have to prep during the day for two events happening tonight, one big, one small.

8:05am - Get a call from the operator to go see the client upstairs. Their projector is totally freaking out. It seems like the sensor that detects signal for a laptop or other device is bad. It keeps flickering, then to standby, then it just shuts down. Boots back up after five minutes. Bummer for them. The lady tells me that it has already been through one round of repairs. I grab one of ours, and all is right with the world. Maybe sales can get some money out of it.

9:30 - Oooohh...a client ordered breakfast this morning and the leftovers are in the breakroom. Sweet! Eggs, sausage, and a diet Coke to start the day right.

10:00am - Start the dual fast fold screen setup in the big upstaris ballroom for tonight. Two big screens, two projectors, podium mic, video splitter, and DVD playback. Everything actually works. Sometimes you don't know what you are going to get with some of the gear around here. Luckily, I had a DVD handy today to do some testing with.

12:00pm - Set up a screen package in the Crescent room. It is called the Crescent room, uh, because it is shaped like a square, heh. A screen package includes a screen, AV cart, and power. The client is responsible for their own projector, laptop, and other peripherals.

1:00pm - Lunchtime. What a great perk this is: the kitchen staff prepares lunch and dinner for all of the hotel staff, every day. Most of the time it is good enough to eat, but there are a few dishes that I just can't handle. Sweet and sour pork (Chinese buffet), cabbage wraps (ground beef on the inside), and the chicken wings (like buffalo wings) are three of those that I can't do. Today, it is sliced pork loin with kraut, veggies, and roasted potatoes. Today has just become either a salad day or I will visit Wendy's across the street.

1:30pm - Just found out that the big event for tonight has gotten smaller. They chopped out one section of the room, but they still want the dual screens, which is fine. It takes about 30-35 minutes to assemble and raise a fully draped fast fold screen by myself. Sometimes I can get the banquet guys to help, but if I don't, then I have 'The Stick'. Tested everything again and it is all working just as it should. Dreamy.

3:30pm - I finally get to the break room. I didn't eat lunch and didn't go to Wendy's. I held out for two pieces of chocolate pie and a glass of milk, while watching CNN broadcaster Wolf Blitzer interview the father of a girl who got shot yesterday. It is incidents like this that give responsible gun owners a bad name. One of the English/Writing Professors at the school evidently became alarmed at some of the recent writings of the shooter (who was on medication for depression), and warned the school admins about it, and they blew him off. Tragic.

4:00pm - The banquet captain asks me to come and meet the client in the big event room. He asks me about the setup and whether anyone will be here. I tell him that somebody will be here, whether it is me, Bryan (my evil twin), or my boss. Turns out that my boss will actually be making an appearance tonight.

4:25pm - This is a warning...a complaint is forthcoming...skip it if you aren't interested. I have been walking like an old man with a bad leg today. Somehow, I strained the ball of my left foot behind my big toe last night at the softball game. It isn't a case of me being out of shape or anything, I just figured that my body wouldn't start to break down at age almost 36. I was hoping for another ten years at least. It could be the cleats that I am wearing, but they were fine during 2006, so I am not sure what is up.

5:00pm - Here at the hotel, we have the occasional 'Pop Up'. Basically it is an event that gets scheduled 24 hours or less in advance. Today, we have a pop up for a conference speaker phone in the boardroom. There has been a group in there for the day today, and 5pm is their exit time. Generally, the engineering department handles the patching of phone and network lines to the ballrooms and meeting spaces. And since nobody has shown me the specifics of the patching here, if it doesn't work, I will be on the radio to the boys in engineering for some assistance.

5:05pm - Just got a call from my boss, he isn't coming in tonight, so it is just me. The good news is that I don't have to be in tomorrow until noon. I think I will be making that Wendy's run after all.

6:30 - All events are running smooovely. Vandy is having their awards banquet here tonight, and I can immediately tell the basketball players from everyone else.

7:05 - Ummmm...Wendy's.

7:30 - Went walkabout. The Vandy folks are doing fine. Struck and reset a couple of rooms downstairs for tomorrow. Now the wait really begins. The Vandy group will end at 9:30, and both screens have to come down tonight because of other groups using the rooms tomorrow.

8:20 - Ummmm...YouTube.

9:20 - Strike time. The Vandy event has broken up. It doesn't take long to pull and wrap cables and get them out of there with projectors in tow. The banquet guys helped me lay down the screens, and I set a room for tomorrow.

10:45 - Time to go home.

So, that's it. A day in the Life of Bryan.

Birthdays for April 17 include "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Sean Bean, Boomer Esiason, Liz Phair, Terry Schiavo, Victoria Beckham, and Sydney Bristow!

Sydney: Who am I talking to?
Vaughn: Your invisible friend.
Sydney: Good. Where are you?
Vaughn: Satellite relay station back in L.A., watching you from a 200 mile orbit.
Sydney: My guardian angel.

[Syd and Vaughn are about to approach a source for information]
Vaughn: How do you wanna play this?
Sydney: You wanna be rough, or you want me to be rough?
Vaughn: You're always rough.
Sydney: No, I'm not.
Vaughn: Yes, you are.
Sydney: That's not true!
Vaughn: Yes, it is.
Sydney: Are you talking about at home, or on Ops?
Vaughn: Both. Hey, I'm not complaining!
Sydney: If I'm rough, it's because you like me to...
[pauses]
Sydney: Are we on coms?
Agent Jack Bristow: Yes, you're both on coms right now!

Agent Marshall Flinkman: Syd, this guy buried you alive.
Sydney: Yeah, but he cheated, he hit me with a car first!

Sydney: You've lost weight.
Agent Eric Weiss: Yeah, I stopped eating all the foods I like. I'm miserable, but I look really good.