100 Things About Me

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes.

3. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Not quite...I did take a small sign from the Grand Ole Opry when I was in college. It was an exit sign with one of those old time fingers pointing left. It fit perfectly between the top of the door jamb and the ceiling in my dorm room pointing at the AC entry.

4. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Eh – not really

5. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
A bear.

8. Do you always smile for pictures?
Yeah, I try to look like I am having fun.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who don’t really know anything technical, and don’t plan, and wonder why things don’t work.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out.

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yep.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Um, I’m white…I can’t dance…with or without music.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No.

16. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
I prefer a bowl.

17. What is your "song of the week"?
"You Know I'm No Good" - Amy Winehouse and
"Ain't Nothing Wrong With That" - Robert Randolph

18. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Only in the 80’s in a big group.

19. Do you still watch cartoons?
Not really.

20. How do you usually splash out cash?
A really good meal.

21. What do you drink with dinner?
A coke with Mexican food, sweet iced tea with everything else.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Ranch or chipotle dressing

25. What are your favorite foods/cuisine?
Grilled anything.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Star Wars series, LOTR series, Bullitt, Collateral, Ocean’s 11, 12, 13.

27. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nope.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
I could get paid NOT to do that.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Wow. Probably 10-12 years ago.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yes.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yep.

33. Ran out of gas?
Once. Unfortunately, it wasn’t on a date.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich(s)?
PB&J.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
The Old Timer’s at Cracker Barrel

36. What is your usual bedtime?
Anywhere between 9-11pm.

37. Are you lazy?
Does a bear poop in the woods?

39. Do you remember you first Email Address?
No, but it was a Juno account.

40. How many languages can you speak?
3 - English, Bad English, and a smidge of Espanol.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Yes – all free.

42. Legos or Lincoln logs?
Unbelievably, Lincoln Logs.

43. Are you stubborn?
Yes, when I know I’m right.

44. TV Show or drama?
Alias, 24, The Muppet Show, MASH.

45. Ever watch soap operas?
Not now, but I used to watch As The World Turns with mom as a kid.

46. Afraid of heights?
It depends on the situation.

47. Sing in the car?
Yes.

48. Dance in the shower?
No.

49. Dance in the car?
No.

50. Ever used a gun?
Yes, I killed helpless skeet when I was in high school.

51. Best thing on the net?
Instant access to almost anything, which is also the worst thing on the net.

52. How often do you do an image makeover?
Not very often.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
Not really, although it gets harder to figure out what to get people.

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
I don’t know what that is, but I think it is Russian.

55. Favorite fruit pie?
Me no like fruit pie.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Cowboy, Nerf Herder, Computer Gamer, BMX Biker.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
No.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Yes.

58. Ever have a Deja - vu feeling?
Huh, strangely enough, yes.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Attempt to.

60. Wear slippers?
Oh, boy. Yes, they are tiger feet. (That admission is gonna hurt).

61. Crunchy or Smooth?
Smooth

62. What do you wear to bed?
More when it is cold, less when it is hot.

63. First concert?
Imperials with dad, 1982.

64. Carrefour,Eroski,Dia,Sabeco,El Corte Ingles?
Que?

65. Nike or Adidas?
Nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos!
Fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts.

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
Yep…Good Ole Raisins and Peanuts

69. Ever take dance lessons?
No. I can’t even do aerobics.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Um, maybe something to do with Wildlife?

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
No.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
I think I have.

74. Own any record albums?
Yes.

75. Own a record player?
Yes.

76. Do you burn incense?
No, an occasional candle.

77. Ever been in love?
Probably.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Billy Joel, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Gloria Estefan, BB King.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Cold.

81.Tea or coffee?
Tea.

83. Can you swim well?
Yes.

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes.

85. Are you patient?
For the most part. (Where’s my orange smoothie? Dang it, I asked for an orange smoothie like, 20 minutes ago! And why hasn't this light turned green yet? I have been sitting here for 5 minutes!)

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
Band

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
No.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
I like to have a green olive in my Martini.

90. Can you knit or crochet?
I used to do both over at my aunt’s house when I was a kid, and thankfully, I outgrew it.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
Den.

92. Do you want to get married?
Yes.

93. Who do you resemble much in your family?
My dad I guess.

94. Who was your HS crush?
Not sure I had one...I mean, just one...heh

95. Do you cry and throw a fit to get your own way?
As of today, no.

96. Do you have kids?
No, not that I am aware of…

97. Do you want kids?
Yes, I think so.

98. What’s your favorite color?
Blue

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes.

100. Who do you want to see right now?
A man holding a large check with my name on it.

The Springer Effect

(Note: I worte this in 2003 after watching an unhealthy amount of this show, or it might have been a hacked pay per view...I can't remember. Anyway, these are my unedited thoughts during and after the show)

What is the deal with the Jerry Springer show? While I have never been a fan or follower of the show, why is it that we as humans have to sit and watch the endless parade of human debris that appears on the show? I mean, what is the attraction? Why is it that I am flipping through the channels and when I happen to hit the Springer show, I must watch, even for a minute, just to see if a fight will break out? The show is like a train wreck, you can’t help but take a little time to focus on it and observe. I recently watched the “Too Hot For Television Parts 1 & 2’, which is a total waste of time, and recorded the following thoughts:

*Always throw the first punch. This is key. Don’t let the person that is coming on stage get it in first. You gotta go after them or else they are going to show you up. Hair pulling, bitch slapping, mud slinging, and that is just the men on the show! And if you are male and go to be on the show, hike up your skirt and learn how to throw a good punch. Just a thought. And just a word on showing up. If I got a call from the good folks at the Springer show asking me if I would be a guest on the show, there is NO WAY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH that I would subject myself to that. If some woman I have been dating is banging another guy, she can tell me in private and not on a talk show. That tramp! When I find her, I’ll… um…. ahem… where was I?

*People admit to the other person that they were actually the other gender before the operation. One of the ultimate Ace Ventura / Crying Game moments. Fight ensues, and remember kids, be sure that you throw the first punch!

*Mullets. Tall ones, short ones, male ones, female ones, and the ever-popular KKK mullet with sunglasses combo. Ahhh yes, how we have grown up! If you are male and don’t have a mullet, they have wigs in the back that you have to wear to increase the redneck factor. First Punch! And if I was an adult beverage drinker, I would have started drinking waaaay before the thing even came on.

*Cheaters, liars, cross dressers, sluts, strippers, FAT strippers, bigots, fascists, pimps, hoes, tattooed freaks, homos, knocked up chicks, fat chicks, knocked up fat chicks, and the Klan all have a home on Jerry’s show. Or is it a home away from home? Ugh, my head is spinning. Hold me.

*The Klan. Nothing better for love, campfires, and singing Cum Ba Ya than having blacks and Klan members in the SAME ROOM on the SAME STAGE! What are the production people thinking? “Uh, well, I guess we’ll need more bodyguards tonight, huh?” I will now light myself on fire. Repeat after me: Throw the first punch! (And as a side note: if you haven’t seen the opening to Austin Powers 2, it is frightening how real it looks).

*More Mullets. I’m very surprised that Jerry hasn’t actually had a best mullet contest on the show. That would be the one show I would watch in its entirety.

I guess for the record, we watch because we want to think that we are the normal people and the people on the Springer show are people that we could never be. And as long as those people are setting the standard, I guess I can live with that.